All Jack’s Comments

I logged into this casino last night — at least I think I did — and it took me twenty minutes just to find the spin button. By the time I found it, I’d already finished half a bottle of vodka and started arguing with my toaster. The interface looks like it was designed by someone who hates sober people. But hey, maybe that’s the whole point — if you can find your way around while hammered, you deserve to play.

The site said, “Guaranteed Wins!” and I thought, “Finally, someone who gets me!” So I threw in my last paycheck and guess what? I did win… a full-blown existential crisis. I've got a loyalty card at this point — fifth deposit and you get a free emotional breakdown. Honestly, I’ve had more luck finding money in my couch cushions than in this digital money trap. Still… might try again tonight. You never know.